Friday, June 5, 2015

Forgiveness....not a feeling...a decision.

Many years ago I had a dream/vision.
I had died in my sleep, and was standing before the Lord.
He was looking over the many things I had done in my life for the Kingdom....checking things off as He read the list.
Then He stopped, and said.....There was this one area that I had failed in.

I tried to justify my feelings of unforgiveness toward my abusive mother, and the other people in my life that had wronged me over the years.
I defended the hurt and anger I felt for beatings, and for the misery I experienced.

God told me that He would deal with those other people when their time came to stand in front of Him.....but right now He was dealing with me.
Why was I risking eternity with unforgiveness?

I awoke from the dream...or warning in a daze.
The knowledge that Jesus died for everyone kept ringing in my brain.
His mercy and compassion wasn't just for me!!!
It was for everyone.
I needed to change.

Instead of praying that the people that caused pain in my life would change, I started to pray that my heart would change.
What is the true meaning of repentance? A change of heart.
I didn't grasp that until years later.
My prayer became.... for people to come into other's lives to minister the Word of God to them.
To show them the love of Christ.
I wasn't the "one" that was going to be able to do that.
To the people that had hurt me, I looked like a hypocrite. They knew my past. Who was I to tell them about Jesus?! They called me a Bible Thumper, and a Jesus Freak.
Even Jesus was rejected by His family....Luke 4:24
I am by no means a prophet, I am using this verse as an example only.

I had come to the realization that forgiveness was a decision.....not a feeling.
When I made the decision to forgive, I knew that things might still come up that would still cause hurt feelings, and some animosity.
I had to keep going back to that decision I had made to forgive.
That didn't mean I had to go back to the same relationships...enabling the abuse to go on.
I can still "walk in love" from a distance.
Praying for change in my heart to continue. Praying for laborers, for the people that need that personal relationship with Jesus.
Praying that none should perish.
We all sin and fall short of the Glory....but 1John 1:9 says....If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Forgiveness is a difficult thing. If you remember that it's not a feeling, it's a helps to let things go, and give it to God. There are so many other things in your life that are waiting for your attention, rather than dwelling on someone that probably isn't even thinking about how you are feeling right at this moment in time. Make that decision to give it to the One that can take care of it for you. Release it. Experience the freedom from that burden. Then start the journey of filling your heart with prayer for a change of heart....your heart.
You took away my clothes of sadness, and clothed me in happiness. Psalm 30:11.
In His Love.


  1. Beautiful!!!

    From someone who has needed the forgiveness from others, I thank you for sharing.

    I've missed reading your post.

  2. Debbie I understand forgiveness... It was necessary for me to process through my loss of my son. Hopefully your insight and words will help others to truly understand the meaning of forgiveness.

  3. This is such a struggle for me because I'm an habitual "apologizer"...I apologize for things that aren't my fault, things I've had no part in so I guess I feel forgiveness is wrapped up in being horribly apologetic, therefore I avoid it and turn away. How do you forgive people who see everything as being "your fault" and putting all the blame on you? I've experienced this so many times in my life that I chalk it up to me being a total wimp and saying sorry too many times in my life. If I were to tell anyone in my life "I forgive you", I honestly thing their response would be "What? But you were the bad one!!!" walking away is easier and more peaceful for me! Just incredibly blessed and thankful that my kids, my hubby and his family are people who love me and would never put me in that position:) Lovely post Debbie!!! xoxoxo

  4. Debbie, It's so hard at times to be forgiving...and your heart knows when it's a true forgiveness or just words. I always pray that God will make me the woman he wants me to be. I have prayed for people who have hurt me...I have bitten my tongue many times....but in the end , it's has worked out. I am so thankful for a forgiving God that loves me. Thank you so much for this post. Love you dear friend, Susie

  5. I have had to make the hard decision to forgive people over the years. It is NEVER an easy decision and I find that sometimes I take the forgiveness away and dredge the whole past hurt up in my mind all over again. Oh- to be able to just let it go----completely.

    Perfect post- as I am struggling to forgive someone and move forward from that relationship. xo Diana

  6. You've brought up some really good points, Debbie. Forgiveness is not an easy thing, and I have struggled over the years to forgive those who hurt me in various ways. I am so sorry that you didn't have the loving and nurturing mom that you deserved. I know that I've held grudges for years, and just as you say, those people I am sure don't give me a thought! So I am the one who suffers as a result. To give it all over to the Lord is the real challenge, isn't it?

  7. Hi Debbie
    This was a tough post for me. I know how important forgiveness is. I never thought of thinking of it as a decision not a feeling. I was always waiting for the feeling to happen. Thank you, I really really needed this post. I struggle with my past often and I know the way to be free of it is to forgive. You enjoy this beautiful day today

  8. Forgiveness is a blessing, and mostly to those that do the forgiving. We don't have to condone what others have done, but we need to forgive, to let it go and move on. Live is too short. Why waste time caring the burden. You have said it well and I do love the beautiful flowers you have pictured with the post too.

  9. Hi Debbie, all beautifully said!! Forgiveness is an on going challenge but making the decision and then to leave it be brings great peace. My mother always said, Let Go, Let God.
    Wishing you a joyful weekend.
    Hugs, CM

  10. I know how forgiveness is very important. I think it' s a decision not a feeling. I'm trying to forgive those who hurt me, i don' t know if it' s the right decision but i follow my heart. Great thoughts!

  11. You wrote this so well. I often ask myself over and over, "What did I do?" "How do I deserve this?" After I get through with all the questions and self-hatred, I start to blame people. And then it comes back to forgiving and letting go. It's very hard to do, and the letting go is always difficult for those that beat themselves up constantly.

    Thank you for your wisdom and thoughts.

    Jane x

  12. Well said Debbie......I think people choose to drink from the dark cup or the light and there is often nothing we can do to change that but people can cause such terrible distress to others ...I find that I can be quite happy as long as there is no drama going on in my life, that those I love are safe and well etc but certain people have a habit of causing trouble and upsetting my peace of mind and as I am a naturally anxious person I can find it quite overwhelming and exhausting. So I visit my local church and light some candles and ask God to take care of things...then I come home feeling much lighter .... The thing I always remind myself of is that the people who are unkind etc must feel quite terrible inside ..they may get brief moments of joy when they have upset people ...but generally their world must be dark and cold whereas ...nice, kind people share more love and happiness you my friend are blessed with being one of the nice ones even if at times it is hard.
    Gail x


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